


New Traditions on Thanksgiving

by abcd_ari



Category: Family Guy (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 13:30:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18223775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abcd_ari/pseuds/abcd_ari
Summary: The family has a "normal" Thanksgiving celebration.





	New Traditions on Thanksgiving

[Intro] lol

 _It seems today_  
That all you see  
Is violence in movies  
And sex on TV

_But where are those good old-fashioned values  
On which we used to rely?_

_Lucky there’s a family guy_  
Lucky there’s a man who  
Positively can do  
All the things that make us  
Laugh and cry

 _He’s_  
Our  
Family  
Guuuy

-End-

 

 

[The house from outside, with the usual background music to it]

Meg, Chris, Stewie and Brian (-> sleeping on the couch) were watching _some violent movie_ , while Stewie looked interested at the movie: “Hey Brian, this could be useful for me.”

Brian woke up, looking at the TV: “...what are we watching?”

-

“Hm, hm, hm... ♪♫♪”, Lois hummed, as she made the healthy pudding ready.

“What's this stench, Lois? Does Stewie need to be changed?”

-

Just as Peter had said that, there was an orphanage shown on the TV.

“Huh...”, Stewie thought, as he saw this picture and after hearing Peter talk.

“Not a bad idea at all.”

-

“No. I made a healthy pudding!”

But Peter didn't seem impressed: “Why, Lois? Why does it have to be a healthy one? That's like tossing the Thanksgiving turkey away and switching it for an alive one, because it's fresher!”

Lois glanced to the direction of the trash cans: “...actually, that's what I did. This holiday is going to be healthy! And I want all of you to join in, not like last time!”

[Cutscene to the one episode where Lois first wants Peter to eat healthy from this one episode I once saw:

Lois was making their dinner ready and got all of the plates on the table: “Hope you guys are ready for a healthy dinner! I went to _Wholefoods_ today and got this recipe from an extremely thin man with a giant adams apple.”

Stewie tried it and stated: “I hate that place. None of the cereals are advertised on TV!”

But Peter didn’t look too happy… he critically eyed the strange looking food on his plate, on which normally only _good_ food deserved its place there.  
“What’s that stuff that looks like sand?”

Lois replied: “It’s Quinoa.” and was proud of her cooking.

Peter pushed the plate away, disgusted by the sound of that name: “Nope! I don’t eat food that’s the sound like karate words!!!”]

“But Lois, you can't torture me like this on Thanksgiving!”, Peter whined and threw his hands up in the air to demonstrate his dissapointment! “Oh, shut up, I can't stand you eating like a pig, we'll have a different meal this time!”, Lois replied harshly. She had made things clear to Peter.

Suddenly, a frightened, puffed up turkey stumbled through the kitchen, flinging several drying dishes from the counter, quacking loudly around, flapping its wings **violently** -

“Ahhh, the turkey rose from the dead and is now going to grill **us**!”, Peter went on his knees and began praying: “Forgive me, turkey jesus! I will never eat Lois' bad turkey on Thanksgiving again!”

“Peter, that's not turkey jesus, it’s the turkey I got for us and which I wanted to cook differently this time.”

“Stop it, Lois! Your bad cooking skills have upset him enough, you don't need to make him more angry!”, Peter cried and hid under the table, saying his thoughts and prayers to god and the human jesus: “Hey, buddy, Jesus, I haven't always been the best christian, but is this how I deserve to be punished? I will go to church every Sunday from now on!”

The turkey finally left the room and went through the window, shattering it in the process. “Huh? Oh...”, Peter got up from his fetal position and looked through the window, where right in this moment a truck ran over the bird standing on the street.

“...huh. Fuck you, Jesus, I still won't go to church!”, Peter said and went out of the kitchen. Lois looked sadly at the ruined window, saying: “How am I going to explain this to the insurance company?”

She sighed and began to pick up the glass shards on the counter and on the ground: “...I should've picked a different recipe...”

-

“Did you hear that?”, Brian asked Stewie, who was still cuddling with Rupert and watching [movie name].

“What? The fat-man insulting me before?”, Stewie asked and laughed out loud: “Good one, Rupert! It was probably himself!”, he was still chuckling.

“No, it sounds like the window got broken, you heard that too, right?”

Stewie shook his head: “I just don't know what you're talking about, Brian.”

Brian turned around and looked into the kitchen, were broken dishes and silverware was lying on the ground and Peter and Lois were now arguing loudly, with Peter now standing in the living room, so that now everyone could hear him speak.

Brian got off the couch and went into the kitchen (with Stewie asking “Where are you going?” during it).

-

Lois had just thrown the shards in the trash when Brian came in.

“Woah, what happened here?”, he asked as soon as he saw the window lacking the glass that now was in the trash.

“The turkey I bought got an infection and went through the window, so I would look out for a turkey the next days, he mustn't bite you if you want to stay alive.”, she got out a cooking book and looked through it.

“He can’t because he got run over by a car, Lois! I saw it with my own eyes, you heartless woman let him die on the street!”, Peter yelled back.

“That’s exactly what you’re doing to the turkey when you eat him, Peter, so maybe I should just make some stew. A vegan one!”, she threatened and Peter had lost the argument and began to whine (but no one paid any attention to him crying).

Lois turned to Brian again: “Do you want a different kind of dog food for Thanksgiving?”

“Maybe. If you stopped buying from that shady store down the ally then I'd actually eat it.”

Lois clapped her hands together as if she just had an enlightment: “Great! I'll just buy the ingredients there! I'll take the kids with me.”

 

* * *

 

“What are you waiting for? Come to the Thanksgiving parade at [ _I don’t know what to name this street_ ].”

“Hm, sounds great!”, said Meg and tipped the phone number in that was just shown on the commercial.

“Hello, why does everyone have my number?”, a person at the other end of the call responded as soon as Meg had called there. “Oh, it was shown on the commercial for the local Thanksgiving parade and I wanted to inform myself about the [] there.”, she asked the now cursing person.

“I want to know who got my number and put it there. I'm sorry ma'am, you won't find any help here, I'm just a normal retail worker, please never call again!”

Then the phone beeped. “Oh... that's a pity.”, Meg said.

“Chris, will you come with me to apply there for a spot?”

“Yeah, sure.”, Chris said and they both wanted to get up, as Lois got into the living room and announced: “Kids, we'll be going to the store and buy a few thing for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, no, mom! We just wanted to get outside, can't we go later?”, Chris asked but Meg intervened: “No, that comes in handy! You can go shopping and we can go to the main square in the meanwhile.”

Lois got Stewie and said: “Alright, I don't know what you're talking about but it sounds good to me.”

They all (everyone except Peter, who was still on the floor crying) went to their car and drove off.

-

“What are we going to buy here?”, Brian asked as they entered the store and Lois observed already the first aisle of food: “I thought of some healthy Thanksgiving stew. First, I need brussel sprouts for it...”, she found the package and put it in a shopping basket.

“Anything else?”, Brian asked and Lois was ready to go paying everything: “Nah, that's all we need for the stew!”

“Great mom, Chris and I are going to the []!” and Meg and Chris walked outside.

“Yeah, yeah, have fun... oh.”, Lois stopped at a cheap sextoy display: “I'll maybe buy one of these too...”

-

Stewie sighed: “I demand to get out of here!”, he tried to free himself and had to fight Lois' arms that had him caught. “Damn it!”, he threw the box out of Lois' hand and made the other boxes on the display table fall on the ground and finally managed to free himself from her grip: “Yes, the sweetness of freedom is mine!”

“Oh no, Stewie! You made everything fall down, now I have to-", she hit her head on the table as she ducked down and wanted to get up with a few boxes in her hand: “”-shit! Goddamn!”

“Can I help you, Madam?”, an employee asked and Lois replied: “Oh, sorry, my baby just wrecked the whole table, I just went by and definitely didn’t consider buying something of here and he threw everything to the ground... oh my god, is that you?”

“Lois?”, the store lady asked and Lois let the boxes in her hands fall to the ground again: “Oh god, Helen, it's you! I haven't heard from you in ages, how are you?”

“Stewie, what was that?”, Brian asked and Stewie got off the floor he had just been set on: “I just wanted to get away from her, I don't want her gross toys to touch me!”

Brian sighed: “Alright.”

-

“Hello, I am Meg Griffin! I wanted to apply here as a participant at the Thanksgiving parade!”, she shooted out the two sentences in a very fast manner.

“Well, it's only one day before the parade, don't you think it's a bit too late for applying now?”

“Awww...”

The man at the info-counter switched his mood: “...buuut if you're that desperate to help us at the parade, you can take over the cleaning work. Tomorrow, at the [], at 10 a. m., when the parade begins, you can arrive here and we'll tell you what to do.”

“But... I thought...”, Meg was disappointed, “No, I want to take part in like a real way!”

“Cleaning helps us very much, then I can take I break, you're very smart actually, now me and my pals can relax in the staff room!”

Meg was about to leave and turn the offer down by shaking her head and refusing again and again, but the man's desicion was already set in stone: “Nope. You'll be here tomorrow, now leave, please!”

“What if I don't show up? I'm not forced to clean up your stuff!”, Meg said.

“Well... then we'll make sure you don't get another job anywhere else.”

Chris dragged her out the room while Meg was still raging and complaining: “It's alright, just show up and pretend to work there, maybe they'll even pay you some dollars!”, he said (in one of his brightest moments lol).

“Oh, do you think that's why I never got a job?”, she asked herself.

“What?”, Chris asked.

-

“What are you trying to do?”, Brian asked surprised as Stewie slowly sneaked away from Lois, who was still talking and didn't show any signs of stopping to soon.

“I want to get away from here!”, Stewie said and walked quickly out of the store with Brian following him unnoticed.

“What exactly do you mean? You want to run away?”

Brian didn't seem very amused.

“Yes, Brian, of course!”, Stewie laughed and looked around: “Do you see the house there?”, Stewie asked and pointed at a big three-story villa. “That's an orphanage, what do you-", then it hit Brian: “Stewie, you want to go to the orphanage?”

“Yes Brian, but not also go there, I'm also going to stay there. To stay in this hellhole of a family will only make me become more crazy, now let's go, Rupert!”, Stewie dragged his teddy bear-friend with him.

“Wait, Stewie!”, Brian shouted, just as Lois finished talking: “Ah, there you are, Brian! Let's go, I've everything we need.”, Lois said and went to pay her stuff.

_Later, in the car:_

“Wait, Brian, I think I missed something...”, Lois said.

“Brian?”, she asked, but no one was there.

“Seems like I forgot two things...”, she finally stated and got out of the car again as soon as she had turned around and parked at the store from before.

“Brian, Stewie? I'm so sorry! Ah, Helen, have you seen my child and the dog?”, she asked the old friend she met at the place before. “No, I'm sorry.”

“Oh, it seems like I lost them!”, Lois said and looked around.

* * *

“Oh, who are you, little fellow?”, a lady asked friendly as soon as Stewie entered the place: “Oh, I'm just Stewie, do you have a free place here? And a free sciene labour? And a playground? Yeah, thanks.”

“Stewie?”, Brian was entering the door too and was searching for him and there he already was, safe and sound, just-

“Oh, who's this, is this your doggy?”, the woman asked and pointed at Brian. Stewie’s face changed very quickly from excited to surprised: “Brian? Of course I know him, what's he doing in here?”, Stewie asked the woman, expecting an answer from her. “Ah, sush, dogs aren't allowed in here!”, the lady opened the door with Stewie in her hand and kicked Brian out.

“Ah! Seriously, some woman want to date me and now I'm not allowed to enter the building according to this bitch?”

-

“So, what are you going to do now?”, Chris asked Meg and Meg thought about her job offer of cleaning, instead of showing off at the parade: “Well, maybe I can sneak into the parade...”

“You want to clean while they are marching? Cool!”

“No, of course not!”, Meg said and sighed. “I want to do something different, maybe I'll steal a cart...”, that was an exiting idea, but also a dangerous one.

Maybe she'd come to her job tomorrow after all.

-

_Nighttime, House, Bedroom_

“Ahhh, die, you chicken!”, Peter rolled around and nearly crushed Lois in her sleep, who, of course, woke up to this noise: “Peter, what's up with you? I'm trying to sleep, did you have nightmares about zombies invading our house again?”

“No Lois, I had an awful nightmare about that living turkey! It was awful, he ruined every window in the house!”, he was rocking back and fourth and was sucking on his thumb to calm down.

“Oh Peter, we won't have any turkey tomorrow, you can calm down now!”, she went back to sleep.

Peter _tried_ too...

-

_Stewie in the orphanage sneaking outside while everyone else is sleeping_

“Nobody of you tells on me, understood?”, he said to all the other sleeping children as he went on his way outside.

It was an exhausting trail, but he got outside the room and looked around. Now, what was he going to do? Finally, he was free from this stupid family, but what was coming now?

 **Bump** \- he heard something behind him and turned around. Behind him was a small window and there was a familiar face looking through the glass from the dark outside.

Stewie stumbled backwards, he couldn't believe it: “Brian, you're still here!” and he immediately lowered his voice as soon as he recognised the care takers' steps from above.

Although Stewie saw him mouthing some words, he couldn't hear them through the glass window absorbing most of the sound...

“You know, I can't hear you through that thick-ass window. Huh?”, Stewie made as soon as he heard a voice approaching: “Stewie, where are you?”

 _How the fuck does she know I'm here?_ , he thought to himself, as suddenly, he got his answer: “Stewie, I know you're here, the security cameras have shown it all!”

_Security cameras, of course!_

Why hadn't he thought of that? 🤦

“You know that you aren't allowed to flee out of your bed!”

“Shut up, dumb bitch! What is it, Brian?”, Stewie asked, but of course, he couldn't hear him in addition to that annoying ladys' voice.

“Oh, there you are!”, she picked little Stewie up (against his will): “Let me down, I demand of you to let me down!”

“Awww, don't act out, you're just too tired from your exciting playday!”, the woman was about to turn around on her heels, but just as she wanted to take a step forward, Stewie came up with an idea: He pulled on her hair and made her stop for a moment, to then, while she was trying to get his intangled fingers out of her hurting, pulled on hair: “Ahhh, stop that!”

“Take that, hah!”, Stewie said and had time to get out of her grip and jumped down. “No, come-", more could she not say, because the lady tripped over Stewie who was now on the ground. It made a loud bump, but gave him enough time to run back to the window and try to give Brian signs of needing to escape. Even though Brian didn't get what Stewie wanted, he had to do something as soon as he saw the lady getting up again.

“Watch out!”, he shouted, as he threw a stone at the window, making a huge hole in the glass to get Stewie out: “I got you!”, he said and hid with him outside. “Oh, thank you! That lady was terrible, I didn't know they were that strict with going-out times.”

Brian sighed out of relief to have Stewie back: “What were you even thinking when you ran away from our home?”

“Oh, I can't with those idiots back at home! But I can get along even less with these care taker ladys!”, he announced.

“Then let's... just get home, shall we?”, Stewie asked and subliminally searched for Brian's paw and even found it.

So, hand in hand, they went to their house.

“And now, let's never talk about this again!”, Stewie concluded the whole situation when they got into Stewie's room.

-

[House, morning]

Lois entered the room of her youngest child and didn't expect to find him in his crib, since he went missing yesterday.

“...oh. Okay...”, she looked around.

Everything looked normal.

“Then... I guess everything's alright. Have a good sleep, honey!”, she quietly left the room.

* * *

“Good day, here I am!”, Meg announced and the janitor guys welcomed her by handing her a broom: “Good morning young lady, so you came back I see? Great, thanks!”, he patted her on the bag and qas about to enter the restroom again, when Meg asked him:”Excuse me, should I just clean the station?”

“No, no, you have to make sure you're also cleaning the place where the crowd is! Maybe we'll pay you even.”

Meg glared angrily at the man (who couldn't see her anyway, because he showed her his back): “Of course, I'll make a great job!”

-

“Lois, enough with the lies and intrigues, what's for dinner on Thanksgiving, today?”

Lois was whistling a little melody while cooking and responded in an very relaxed manner: “Oh, I'm making brussel sprout stew!”, but she wasn't even able to finish her sentence properly, because as soon as Peter heard the name of a healthy vegetable, he warded it off by shouting: “Ah! Gross! Is that even eatable? Sounds like poison to me!”, Peter didn't seem very fine...

“What are you doing?”, Lois also shouted.

“Peter, stop it!”, Peter threw the mixed ingredients on the floor (it was mostly just brussel sprouts).  And he kicked it over the floor. To make sure no one was able to “enjoy" this anymore.

(Except someone was trying to eat it off the floor now, nah, wouldn't make a difference in the taste.)

So, he set it on fire...

Almost.

“Ow!”

“Oh, no! My food is not _that_ bad, stop it with those matches!”, Lois (again) shouted and stepped on Peter's hand that maintained the match and matchbox. “Ow, now my nose is broken...”

“Peter, I stepped on your hand... at least we don't have fire now. Stand up, let's throw the ruined food away... ow, what am I going to cook now?”, she wondered herself.

“Where are the kids?”, Peter asked suddenly and Lois also wondered: “Uhm... I don't know. Stewie was definitely here the whole time, there was never a time where I thought I'd lost him, no. When it comes to Meg and Chris, I don't know. They're in their bedrooms, I guess.”

-

“What is it, mom?”, Chris asked and Lois stepped into his room: “I have no idea where Meg is, have you seen her?”

Meg. Oh, yeah, there had been something... where had they been yesterday again?

“Uhm... yesterday we went to this job offering place. Then... I can't remember... I think we went home again. Right?”, he asked again.

“Apparently your sister didn't. You're sure that's where she is? I truly hope I haven't lost another child...”, she threw her hands in the air out of despair.

-

“Oh no, what's up?”, Stewie asked and got up, looking down at Brian, who was sleeping on the carpet by the foot of Stewie's crib.

“What's this?”, he asked, opening and eye. “I can't sleep like this, it's over.”, Stewie said and tried to get out of his bed, but of course, getting out of a bed with practically bars like in jail stapled to the sides was very hard.

“Oh, no, not that little brat again!”, Lois began to grumble and got up to Stewie's room as soon as she heard him cry very loudly.

“What is it with you too, Stewie?”, Lois asked exhausted(ly???) and got him out of his bed, sighing loudly while doing so. “That's right, just how I wanted it, very good!”, Stewie complimented her and was now standing on the ground, finally free (lol).

“You look very tired, what's up?”, Brian finally asked Lois just as she was about to take Stewie down with her (who didn't like to be picked up, again) and Lois answered with an upset tone in her voice: “I don't know, I feel like I've lost Meg! I already asked Chris, but I don't think that he will remember where exactly they went yesterday...”

“Oh, that's easy. Yesterday, Meg saw that commercial for the parade at [street name], that's probably where she went.”

And that's the moment when a great idea struck Loise: “Oh! There's the Thanksgiving parade, of course!”, she got her coat and suggested to Peter: “Kids, Peter, let's go there too! Maybe we could have a nice Thanksgiving after all.”

Peter stomped his foot and whined: “No! I wanted a turkey!”, but Lois tried to cheer him up: “We'll get us some food, maybe we'll go to a restaurant or something...”, when they all trotted to the place the parade was held at.

-

[All of them stood on the side of the crowd that watched the waggons drive by with a hot dog in the hand of each of them (except Stewie, ‘cause he's a baby).]

“Now... that'll do.”, Meg got into a waggon when no one was there and began to drive in it, looking down to all the people watching her, waving and cheering to them. “Lois, isn't that Meg?”, Peter asked and Lois found her daughter in the row of vehicles passing by. “Hey, hey, Meg!”, Peter threw the hot dog at her and it hit her. Just when a bunch of all-dressed-up people began to also throw food at her: “That's ours, get off of it!”, and they ran after her.

“That was a brilliant idea of you, Lois, everyone's having fun, even Meg!”, Peter laughed his well-known laugh. “Yes, I'm glad we went here. Oh, Peter, Chris, have you seen Brian and Stewie?”, Lois asked and turned around, searching for the two. Had she lost someone again? 🤦

* * *

[Brian and Stewie sat in a restaurant and waited for something (food or drinks, obviously).]

Stewie:”Now I get why the fat man wanted a turkey, it's really good!”, he mumbled with a mouth full of food as soon as the dish got served.

“Yes, why did Lois refuse to cook one?”, Brian asked and gladly took the turkey bones Stewie couldn't eat, of course.

“Probably better that way, who knows what she’d made out of it!” Both nodded in agreement to that very true statement (Lois can’t cook, lol).

**Author's Note:**

> I am not good at this, enjoy this ... 😅


End file.
